I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
