Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
