They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My hand turned me down
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
