the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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