Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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