I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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