i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
