Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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