My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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