im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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