im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
