We need to rekindle our bromance
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
