So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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