i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
