After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize