too bad you live with your parents still
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
