He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
