So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
