i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
