I'm drive I can fine osifer
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize