your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
