Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
