your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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