watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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