me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
