She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
