Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
