I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
