I just saw a hot homeless man
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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