I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
