I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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