I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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