So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
