The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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