She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
