We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
