sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
