Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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