Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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