It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize