Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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