I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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