Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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