They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize