her vagine was all disorganized.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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