Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
