OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I looked at my own cervix.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
