I heard we made out
we have pet lesbian snakes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
