It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
