He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
