I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
