I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
