I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry about my life...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
