physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
