Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize