Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
