i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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