your parents love me but you hate me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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