sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
