So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
