this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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