You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize