google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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