There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
