dude i'm inner monologue high
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
