He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i believe in u and ur pee
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
