96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
