I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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