well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
