so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Randomize