She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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