I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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