It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
